What a Submissive Masochist Should Stay Away From When Seeking a Dom or Domme
I do apologize for the graphic nature of this post. But, I need to get some things off my chest. But, recently a female masochist friend of mine told me a horror story of having her rectum torn during a scene where she was bound spanked, whipped, and received anal sex from a friend of her Dom at the time without any lubrication causing an evening in the emergency room.
As I drove her to the emergency room, she told me about how she had met this man claiming to be Daddy Dom. I won't go into the details about his flaws, but I do want to say my friend should have seen some of the red flags. He also had his profile reported on FetLife and removed. She should have cut ties at that point. But, I won't go further. Yes her Fetlife profile and Instagram has hundreds of kink photos. But, that doesn't mean this should have happened. Her Dom should have protected her and ensured she was in a safe space at all times. He failed. She never agreed to play with his friend. I feel that she was violated. But, I will stop there.
By no means do I consider myself an expert. But, I have been a practicing Dom for over 10 years and have observed so much nonsense. Accepting the fact that you are a masochist and need pain for sexual release or emotional release can not only be eye-opening. It can be scary. Don't get me wrong. Discovering that you have Sadist tendencies can feel the same. But, many masochists take a lot of risks exploring those tendencies with the wrong person. Here are some tips that I want to share about what they should look for in their Dominant partner.
Where You Both Meet
The best practice is to meet kink partners from recommendations from other friends in kink or safe spaces such as parties, munches, or events. However, with busy lives, many of us meet online. Not everyone is who they claim to be online. So here are a few things to look out for.
If they claim to be a Dom with years of experience and their profile is only a couple months old with very little activity.
On Fetlife their profile activity only has them commenting on photos saying what sexual acts they want to do with the ladies in the picture.
The email exchanges seem like they are way too thirsty and eager to meet up. They will indicate they want to met that evening or the next day.
The Dom or Domme attempts to apply Dominance over you before they have earned the privilege of you giving yourself to them.
Dom or Domme stops correspondence when they discover that your kinks don't involve sex. Yes, some submissives especially masochists enjoy non-sexual scenes.
Domme is too focused on the donations they want you to give them. That is a sign that it might just be about money and gifts to them and not kink.
All of the above are red flags to look out for when meeting someone new. For example, when I meet up with a new submissive I tell them first off during the correspondence that it will be at least three weeks before we meet up in person. I tend to like to gain an understanding of the submissives needs and I always send a kink/boundaries questionnaire so I can gain an idea of her boundaries. If you mention boundaries and the potential Dom doesn't know what you are talking about; run away.
How they communicate with you:
One way to understand if the Dom or Domme is legitimate is to analyze how they correspond with you.
The Dom or Domme attempts to apply Dominance over you before they have earned the privilege of you giving yourself to them. I have seen this happen after the third or fourth email or phone exchange.
Dom or Domme stops correspondence when they discover that your kinks don't involve sex. Yes, some submissives especially masochists enjoy non-sexual scenes.
Domme is too focused on the donations they want you to give them. That is a sign that it might just be about money and gifts to them and not kink.
They want to make sure that you are ok being filmed. This is an indication that they might be looking for OnlyFans talent they can exploit.
If you bring up aftercare and the Dom or Domme acts like they know nothing about it. Any experienced Sadist Dom or Domme will know about aftercare and understand it is essential in a D;s relationship especially when working with a masochist.
Expert Claims:
Many of these Doms claim to be experts in everything, which is clearly impossible. Doms and Dommes usually specialize in just a few kink activities. When a Dom or Domme tells you that they are into everything and can't give you any specifics; run away. They are usually very new to their role, or they are full of it. Honesty should be the cornerstone to all kink activities. For example, it was obvious that the Dom who was playing with my friend had no idea how anal sex works. Whenever I have done anal play I have always started with a series of anal trainings. You can't learn how to perform anal sex correctly from watching porn.
Way to Eager to Hook Up for One Night Stands:
Most of the Doms and Dommes I know of rarely do one-night stand kink scenes unless it is a demo at an event or party. There is no way that the one-time event can fulfill the needs of their submissive. Those who wish to meet with you right away and never really speak to you about your kinks are just looking for a hook-up. If that is not what you seek, stay away from them.
For the most part, the experience that my friend has made all of us Dom and Domme's in kink look bad. All of us professional good Doms and Dommees need to speak out against this nonsense. But, I do think if submissives, especially masochist, really vetted those they play with, they will avoid characters like the guy my friend ended up playing with. My friend is ok. She will recover physically. But, she said she is done with meeting new Doms. She now will only play with I and one other Domme. She is afraid of the guys messaging her and are out there.
